In living a “mindfulness” lifestyle, we adopt new habits of the mind. We learn awareness. We learn not to listen nor react to all the thoughts racing through our minds. We learn to become nonjudgmental of our thoughts, ourselves and others. When we begin to understand these principles, we begin to realize “acceptance” in our lives. Of course, many more Meditation benefits accrue with time, but for right now, I want to focus on “acceptance”!
There are three primary elements of acceptance- (1) accepting ourselves, (2) accepting others, and (3) accepting those events and situations that arise in our life over which we have no control.
The first step to accepting “ourselves” is to have a better understanding of who we really are. Research has shown that 80 to 90% of our thoughts are have no basis of truth. They are based upon beliefs that are either passed onto us by grandparents, parents, teachers, friends, by a complete stranger, etc. or are based upon our experiences in life and how we reacted to them at that specific time in our life. For example, if you were bitten by a dog in your early life, you may develop a fear of dogs believing that all dogs are dangerous. If, early one, you struggled with math in school, you may adopt a belief that you lack an aptitude for the subject without considering the problem may lie with the teacher. Or perhaps you lack the patience to learn a new computer program; thereby, come to the conclusion that you lack computer skills. Racial bigotry or religious bias are also a result of beliefs passed from generation to generation.
With a daily practice of Mindfulness Meditation, we learn to become aware of our thoughts and to recognize them as simply thoughts and nothing more. We learn it’s our thoughts (not the circumstances) that cause our stress, anxiety, worry, frustration, self-doubt, etc. We learn to see them as passing mental events and not a reflection of who we are. We learn to “let them be”. More importantly, we learn “We are not our thoughts.” When we come to this realization, we learn to accept ourselves for who we are rather than allowing ourselves to be shaped by our thoughts.
“I discovered that when I believe my thoughts, I suffered, but that when I didn’t believe them, I didn’t suffer, and that this is true for every human being.” -Byron Katie
We must understand that at one time or another, everyone experiences emotional and physical suffering. When we become aware of that truth, we can begin to understand the words and actions of others with a stronger sense of detachment. Everyone succumbs to the beliefs and opinions of others (just as we do), and we all face stressful challenges in our life. With Mindfulness, we become more compassionate, empathetic and more accepting of others. We can observe rather react. We can learn how to create non-judgmental attitudes toward others without personalizing what others might say, and not make everyone else’s words about us.
“Communication, after all, is not so much a matter of intellect as it is of trust and acceptance of others, of their ideas and feelings, acceptance of the fact that they're different, and that from their point of view, they are right.” -Stephen Covey
And finally, a daily practice of Mindfulness Meditation, can allow us to accept any situation or event in our lives without anger, frustration, stress, impatience or anxiety. Everything changes. it’s the fundamental law of the universe. And when you realize how impermanent everything is, you can let go of your negative reactions and begin to enjoy life in whatever present moment arises.
A case in point is the pandemic we now experience. Yes, it limits our lifestyle, restricts our behavior, stirs some negative emotions and perhaps creates hardships, but given the “law of impermanence, it shall change and it shall pass. Every experience we are ever challenged by, is a learning experience, an opportunity to learn, to discover our true potential, and to grow.
We need to tap into our inner curiosity, to explore new directions, to expand our knowledge, find new interests, invest in finding ways to help others, or find new causes or a renewed purpose. We can choose to suffer or we can choose to grow. We can blame or we can accept. We can lament or we can find new opportunities. We can let our negative thoughts float away or we can drown ourselves in a woeful existence. We always can choose to travel the road of acceptance. How we choose to travel it determines our character, our health and our well-being.
“Learn to adjust yourself to the conditions you have to endure, but make a point of trying to alter or correct conditions so that they are most favorable to you.” -William Frederick Book